


let past sins lie

by Saraste



Series: Femslash February 2017 [26]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/F, Femslash February, Hugging, Non-Sexual Intimacy, references to past events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:20:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9950042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saraste/pseuds/Saraste
Summary: Late one night, Emma brings up something she regrets the instant it's past her lips.





	

“We never would have been like this, a couple, if you had never done the curse, don’t you think?” 

 

Emma’s tone is a little mournful, thinking about the life she could have had, the  _ childhood _ she could have had, a family growing up, all things which Regina had denied her. Yet, she cannot be bitter, as her life ended up far better than she ever could have hoped and Henry got the childhood she never did, which is a comfort, Emma knowing she was able to give him that, choose to give him that, that Regina gave Henry the childhood she took from Emma. That sort of makes things… even, if in a twisted way.

 

The hour is too late for this sort of conversation, most late hours always are, yet Emma couldn’t help herself and when the words had been out of her mouth, they could not be stopped. There she had been, drawing closed an oversized button-up she used to sleep in to cover her still flushed nakedness, Regina lounging languorous and smugly sated beside her and Emma had just let the words out.

 

Regina shifts beside her on the bed, the sheets rustling, reaches to touch Emma. Needing to reach as Emma had shifted out of her embrace, needing the space for her thoughts. 

 

“But I did, and there’s no going back as far as that goes. It’s no use thinking about what-could-have-been’s, you should know it better than anyone, Emma.”

 

Regina’s might say Emma but her tone says Miss Swann, which Regina only uses when she wants to distance herself from Emma, when she’s unsure of herself, wants a barrier of a more formal address between them. When she doesn’t want to think about her part in how Emma’s life turned out. When she can’t because it hurt for the simple reason that Emma is so dear to her now.

 

Emma pushes. “But we never would have been, right?”

 

Regina sits up, moves herself so her back is leaning against the headboard of her bed, she brings her legs up and hugs them close to herself. She’s uncomfortable. She doesn’t want to talk about this. Why would she want to talk about this? She’s angry. “Yes, we never would have been this… had I not been as angry as I was, as bereft and so bent on my vengeance against your mother, had she not been as free of mouth as a child, if things had been different, I would have technically been your step-grandmother, if you want to consider it.”

 

Emma wrinkles her nose as Regina looks at her, face a mix of old anger and new exasperation. “No, I really don’t.”

 

“The past is past for a reason. There’s nothing good in dredging it up, no use in dwelling in things which you can’t change even if you want to in the now.” Regina sounds resigned, sounds like she might want a hug, but she does not reach out, does not ask for such comforting things.

 

That does not mean that Emma does not wish to, that Emma is unwilling to give to them even when they are not asked for, especially when they are not asked for, nor does it mean that Regina will push her away. And she doesn’t, when Emma scoots close and hugs her. 

 

“You don’t think I’m unhappy with how things are now, do you?” Emma asks, smiling as Regina hugs her back. Regina is still sometimes so unused to physical affection, to the simple intimacy of a hug, the closeness of a caress, space shared with another. She has always been affectionate with Henry, Emma knows, but Regina herself receiving affection is another matter entirely, has sometimes shied away even from Henry’s hugs. Has shied away from Emma’s hugs. 

 

But not now. 

 

Regina fits easy in Emma’s arms and they lay back down onto the bed, over the rumpled sheets and the kicked-aside blankets. Emma thinks how she will try to never think about the what-if’s, the different outcomes of decisions out of their reach, of the past that’s unchangeable. The now and the future are what matter, really and while any past unhappiness might have taken place, well… 

 

“You would tell me if it was too much?” Regina asks, “you wouldn’t fade away?”

 

“Never,” Emma swears, having had too many people, too many loved one’s fade away from her life. Henry she did get back and is forever grateful for it, Regina she wasn’t expecting and is unwilling to ever let go of. “We’re this and it’s good and I’m not letting go.”

 

“I love you too,” Regina says softly, wrapping her arms more securely around Emma.


End file.
